The Time I Made Jon Look at Another Man’s Weiner

So, when I was working as a projectionist years ago, and I had come down stairs to use the restroom like I normally did after I started the first round of movies. Jon was standing at the ticket booth. Jon was a chubby, long haired, douche bag, who was the younger brother of my best friend from high school.

He starred at me while I walked into the restroom, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a man taking a dump with the stall door open. He was reading the newspaper. I knew the stalls locked, so I wizzed and then went up to podium while avoiding looking in the stall.

I came to the ticket booth, and told Jon, “Hey go check out what’s in stall one.”

Jon sighed, and said, “It better be the biggest turd I’ve ever seen.”

Jon walked into the restroom, and heard him yell, “WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?”

Jon walked out of the restroom, his face was as white as a ghost. “You’re going to have to stay on the ticket drop. I saw everything, and we made eye contact. WHO THE FUCK TAKES A SHIT WITH THE STALL DOOR OPEN?”

The man had switched to texting after he was done reading the paper.

What I Had Hoped For Out of E3

E3 has been going on this past week. I’m not a big gamer. I haven’t always not been a gamer. When I was younger, I was a huge gamer. I was really into the PS2, N64, Wii, and Gameboy.

One of my favorite franchises, besides Donkey King, is one called Onimusha.

It’s been years since Capcom released an Onimusha game. It’s weird that I like the Onimusha series, because I’m not a huge fan of Zombies (The exception being The Walking Dead…) and I’m not a fan of the Resident Evil fixed camera gameplay.

Onimusha for some reason just clicked with me and had a strong connection to my imagination. It was like Legend of Zelda, but rooted in history. I’m Asian-American. More specifically, Japanese-American. I found it interesting to play as a samurai and kill off lots of Zombies with a sword. You could also get magic swords, that spit out Flame, and electricity.

I had wanted to bring some of these elements into the comic series I had been writing, but with me moving on to chase other stories I won’t.

We went one console generation with out a Onimusha. It’s the one thing that would seriously make me buy a new console. I had so much fun upgrading the weapons, and looking for clues. Demon Siege for sure is the best entry in the series. I remember needing out about Onimusha with a friend named Billy in high school.

I seriously hope they consider bringing Onimusha to the PS4.

PopStar Never Stop Never Stopping Review

Popstar is one of those movies that is like a train wreck. You don’t want to watch it, but you do anyway. I was neither really excited for this movie, nor was I really looking forward to it. To me, the previews made it look dumb, and that all the funny bits were probably in the trailer.

I gotta say, I love it when I’m proven wrong. The movie is a satire that is almost on the same level as the movie Spinal Tap. It’s a cold harsh look at the pop music industry today. I say pop music industry, because indie rock and rock aren’t pop, but do cross over.

The movie follows Connor4Real, a member of Beastie Boys type group, after he’s gone solo. The movie is presented as a documentary, and has inter-spliced tour footage, ala Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never or the White Stripes’ Under Great Northern White lights. The movie follows Connor’s antics, as a person who is not self-aware of anything. It pokes fun at the celebrities who are famous for doing nothing.

What worked for me in the movie was the set design. They spent a lot of money designing the stage for him to perform on and it looks like something straight out of U2’s Zooropa tour. Another thing the film did really well was that it took itself seriously as a documentary, and the star cameos throughout the whole thing resembles talking heads.

The soundtrack was on point and the songs were produced for real. It wouldn’t surprise me if years later we’re listening to some of the songs, or some kid finds one, and think it’s a real song from a real group. It’s almost like the songs from Get Him to the Greek. They’re catchy pop songs.

What didn’t work for me was the movie got annoying at times. Even though it’s a great satire, sometimes I had to ask myself,  “Is this really what I wanted to watch?” The worst part is that the movie is short, due to the of repetition in parts. I’m an advocate for shorter movies. This movie actually fits the time that a comedy film should be. What makes it worse is that, like I said earlier, it’s a train wreck that you can’t help but watch.

I would have given the film a poop emoji out of 5, but I feel if you haven’t seen the movie, the joke would be lost on you. While the movie is really on point as far as the acting, singing, and sets go, the movie is a “watch it once and done” type of film.  For a one time viewing, I give the film 3.5 out 5.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:Out of the Shadows Review

Well, here it is, another Ninja Turtles movie out. I never really was allowed to watch Ninja Turtles growing up. So this isn’t going to be me comparing it to a destroyed childhood or anything. I’m going to hold it up to the only benchmark I know, the first movie.

So if you really liked the first movie, you’re going to like this one. It fit the universe they were building. The only thing I was asking myself was, “When is Optimus Prime going to show up.”

The movie also felt really long. It’s not, but it felt like one of the 3 hour super hero movies we’ve become used to. The jokes were really on point, and I laughed.  If you’re a kid, you’re going to have fun, if you’re an adult going into expect a more adult film, you’re going to be disappointed. The effects were on point, my only complaint is that the turtles have different sizes from the first one. It’s a fun matinee movie. The most important part is to have fun in it and not think of it as the cinematic master piece that Civil War and Winter Soldier are for the comic book genres.

3 out of 5.

What I’m Currently Working On

Yesterday I said I was working on something called EchoChamber.

It’s an experimental thing, and I wrote the first 3 batches of the series. It’s a cross between a regular comic and webcomic. There’s not much money in webcomics, but I’m doing this for the love of the medium.

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It’s something I’ve kind of wanted to do and toy around with. In fact there’s a short story on my Amazon author page that kind of is a precursor to this idea. It’s not, but some elements made it in to the story. Here’s a sneak peak at a page:

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X-Men Apocalypse: Review

I’ve seen a lot of people talking badly about the film. That Bryan Singer would stay away from the franchise, and other things.

To be honest, the film does have some problems, but that doesn’t make it a bad movie. The Force Awakens has problems, but isn’t a bad movie. At the heart of the matter, the movie was a decent film, and a much better X-men film than some of the other X-men movies.

I had fun in it, and it felt like an X-men comic, and the characters where treated as if they were X-men characters in a fight. I’ll admit that the movie went too big to follow up Days of Future Past, but it was a decent follow up. Where I would fault the movie, is that it didn’t focus too much on the personal reasons for Magneto wanting to be a Horseman, or Mystic for wanting to stop them. It could have been much more personal and that would have made the stakes that much higher for the both of them.

The cinematography was pretty decent, and focused on stuff that mattered, and the set design was fantastic. Where I would fault the movie the most, was a forced Wolverine cameo that was kind of just there to kill time before the final fight scene.

I give it a 3 out of 5.